This week I’ve traveled through four major southern cities. As you might expect, I have some advertising observations to share.

Example Number One:
Earlier this week I dropped in to visit a radio station because I’m a friend of the program director and morning disc jockey.

While we were catching up, he played an ad for me that had a strong character espousing the client. The character was hammering away the copy points in a way that was nearly impossible to ignore.

The client wants it re-done with a “regular announcer.”

I told him that it was too bad that the client was intent on making the ad less attention getting and less memorable.

Observation:
When clients insist on making an ad sound like or look like an ad (ie. “professional”) they are effectively insisting that their ad be just like all the others.

Estimates are that Americans ignore nearly 3,500 advertising impressions a day. Shouldn’t we be working to make our ads less like everyone elses?

And please note that I’m not suggesting being different for the sake of difference. As the great jazz bassist and composer Charlie Mingus said “Anybody can play weird; that’s easy. What’s hard is to be as simple as Bach. Making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that’s creativity.”

Example Number Two:
Ads that have attorneys screaming, “I’ll FIGHT for YOU. I’ll get you the money you deserve for your pain and suffering.” are probably running in most markets across the country. Does the same guy produce them all? They all appear to have the same script.

Observation:
This is transactional marketing taken to an extreme.

Sobering thought: these ads must be producing results for the lawyers to keep running them in prime time.

Example Number Three:
You can’t build a positive image by piggybacking on someone else’s slogan. In a single community over the last thirty days I’ve witnessed “Got Insurance?” “Got Real Estate?” “Got Teeth?”

Observation:
Honestly, what do you think of these variations on “Got Milk?”

Are you driven to do business with them?

Do you get the feeling that these various businesses are able to solve your problems?

Or do you suspect that they have nothing to offer, and are trying to cash in on someone else’s notoriety?

Example Number Four:
Why do the graphic artists who compose yellow pages ads insist on putting the client’s logo as the headline? I have the Memphis Bell South yellow pages open in front of me as I write this. I’m looking under landscaping.

Here are the headlines.

Bob Hollandsworth Landscape
Complete Lawn & Landscaping Service
Designscapes By D
Growth Spurts Landscape And Irrigation
Landscape Creations, Inc.
Naturescapes
Paradise Allscapes
Tee Time Landscape
Total Yards Landscaping

Yes, I’m aware that these are the names of the businesses. That’s the point.

Observation:
It appears each of these companies is proud of their name. Unfortunately, as a shopper, I want to know what they can do for me. I’ll fix ‘em for making me do all the work. I’ll ignore ‘em.

Now, among all of these easily-forgettable ads are two that hint at the ability to help me.

When Skies Are Blue, We Rain – Blue Skies Irrigation

From Concept To Completion, Your One-Source Solution For A Beautiful Landscape – Pugh’s Landscaping.

Better, but I still have to think about them in order to see the advantage to me, the buyer.

Therefore, the winner is clearly:

Give Your Yard An Exciting New Look – Germantown Landscape Company

 

At last, a clear promise of benefit. I now know what’s in it for me.

Take a peek at your yellow pages ads. If the headline is your company’s name, you’re wasting money.

Final Example And Observation:
You probably shouldn’t assume that everyone knows how to find your store. “The oldest, ugliest building on Tanner Road” doesn’t mean anything to anyone who doesn’t know which section of Tanner Road to look in to find your store.

Cleverness like this can actually cost you business. If you make shoppers solve a puzzle in order to respond to your ads, they’ll take the easy way out and file you permanently under “ignore,” which doesn’t work well when you’re fishing for customers.

Your Guide,
Chuck McKay

Your Fishing for Customers guide, Chuck McKay, gets people to buy more of what you sell.

Got questions about making your ads stand out and get noticed? Drop Chuck a note atChuckMcKay@ChuckMcKayOnLine.com. Or call him at 304-523-0163.

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The Social Media Starter Guide

by Turning Minds Media

Feeling like you probably should do “something” with Facebook, Twitter, or other social media? Justin McCullough and the staff of Turning Minds Media have compiled this easy to understand guide to your first efforts of socializing your business.

Download it here.

And if you like it, share with a friend.

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Generic MP3 Player

Can you imagine a more idiotic challenge than to see which business can use up it’s investment capital and be forced out of business first?

Its what happens each time a new business opens with no strategy other than to sell at a lower price.

Dropping price doesn’t work. Long term, it never works. And in the short term it can’t create long term customers.

Let’s create a hypothetical example:

John finds a Chinese source for an 8mb off-brand MP3 player, which he can buy in quantity for $10 each. John checks eBay and finds the comparable offerings are priced at $40 each.

“Wow,” says John. “Those other sellers are being greedy. I’ll mark mine $30 each and sell a TON of ‘em.” He estimates the cost of shipping, discovering it will cost roughly $6. John decides to charge $10 for shipping “and handling.”

Thinking he will quickly sell all 100 units at $20 profit, plus a $4 shipping markup, he’s counting on taking in $2,400, and making a net profit of $1,400.

John invests $1,000 dollars, purchases 100 players, and is now in business. He lists them on eBay for $30, plus $10 shipping and handling.

John is right. There is a demand at that price point. He sells 16 the first day and 17 the second.

On the third day John makes no sales. Worried, he browses eBay to figure out why.

What’s this? This guy “Tom” has the same player listed at $27.  Worried, John drops his price to $25, and sells five more before, again, his sales abruptly stop. He finds Tom’s eBay store is still selling them at $27. Puzzled, he digs a bit deeper and discovers “Bob” now has ‘em for only $22.

John ponders. “Well, I’ve made some money on these. I think its time to get out of the MP3 player business.” He drops his price to $15, offers free shipping, and expects to blow out the remainder and retire.

John sells 16 more before his sales again stop. He checks. Tom is reacting to the new competition by selling his players at $11 each.

John cuts price below his cost, and offers his last 27 units at $8.50, plus free shipping. Another 19 are sold before “Andrew” offers the same player for $7.50, and free shipping.

Tired of losing money, John contacts Tom, Bob, and Andrew, and offers his last 27 units to them for $270. None of them take him up on the offer.

John cancels his eBay account, and determines everyone on his Christmas list will get an MP3 player for Christmas.

Shall we calculate John’s profit on this venture?

Ouch!

John could be considered a dabbler. A great many eBay sellers are.

Some, on the other hand operate real businesses. Look at the feedback scores. Nobody gets to thousands of transactions as a dabbler.

People like John are not the folks Dun & Bradstreet speak of when they report 6 out of 10 businesses with 20 employees or less don’t make it past their first year, and 9 out of 10 don’t make it to their 10th anniversary.

Going Out of Business

D&B goes on to say that only 10 percent of all of the business failures in the US file for bankruptcy. The rest close voluntarily because operating their companies turn out to be way too much work for the meager income they provide.

The biggest cause of insufficient income?

Pricing too low.

Why?  Because all of a new businesses operating costs are higher.

A new businesses can’t BUY inventory at a lower price than the big box stores. It can’t ship at a lower price. And it doesn’t spend enough on advertising to buy in the bulk required to get reduced pricing there, either.

Combine higher operating costs and lower profits with discounted pricing, and you have a situation my friend and colleague, Jeff Sexton, refers to as the “race to the bottom.”

With lower price as your selling strategy, you’re competing with at least eight other ventures already in the process of going out of business.

What’s the Solution?

Raise your prices.

“C’mon, McKay,” I hear you asking.  ”Just how do you suggest I raise prices in a bad economy when all of my competitors charge so little?”

Ah.  Fair question.  We’ll discuss that in a couple of days, as we continue fishing for customers.

Your Guide,
Chuck McKay

Your Fishing for Customers guide, Chuck McKay, gets people to buy more of what you sell.

Got questions about pricing for profit? Drop Chuck a note at ChuckMcKay@ChuckMcKayOnLine.com. Or call him at 304-523-0163.

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While browsing the web, I came across an article titled, “Why is My Restaurant Not Full Every Monday Night?” (Google search if you’re all that curious. The article doesn’t answer the question, which is why I’m not linking it).

But it does pose a valid question. Why isn’t your restaurant full on Mondays?

Its a common desire in retail to advertise the things which aren’t selling, and let those which will sell easily sell themselves. This is frequently bad strategy. Very bad.

It may well be part of the reason Wal-Mart thrived while K-Mart worked its way through bankruptcy. Of course, their respective advertising policies may only be a reflection of their inventory management. Then again, this all may be only a coincidence.

And for the record, our story is completely fictitious.

Assume that we have one Wal-Mart store and one K-Mart store, each stocked with various sizes of golf shirts in four colors: red, blue, green, and yellow. We’ll further assume that each store stocks ten in each color.

For some reason, the yellow shirts are in hot demand.

Each store sells out of yellow golf shirts.

K-Mart, in the traditional Henry Ford fashion * notes that they still have 30 shirts in stock. No problem.

Wal-Mart however, takes note that they are completely out of yellow golf shirts, and promptly puts ten more in inventory.

Humm. People will buy what they want, when its available to them. The won’t necessarily buy what’s being advertised. So, while K-Mart is advertising golf shirts in various colors, Wal-Mart advertises that they have yellow golf shirts, and they have them in stock. (Again, this story is of my own invention. It has only a passing relationship to any reality).

Can advertising sell them things they don’t want?

The bitter experience of K-Mart would indicate that people will purchase only what appeals to them, rather than what’s being advertised.

But our question wasn’t about golf shirts, was it? The question was “Why is My Restaurant Not Full Every Monday Night?”

The reason is simple.

Its not lack of advertising. (Rookie media salespeople will assure you that it is. They are wrong. It has nothing to do with advertising.)

It is because people customarily don’t go out to dinner on Monday evening.

They just don’t want to.

They tend to go out to dinner on Friday nites, on Saturday, even on Sunday. By the time Monday rolls around, they’re feeling as if they should stop being so extravagant.

On Mondays they plan to eat at home.

Is there a Monday appeal?

Is there a way to attract a relational customer to your restaurant on a Monday? Sadly, if Monday isn’t Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, or a spouse’s birthday, there is not. You could maybe get a transactional customer into your restaurant on a Monday if you offered a discount, but transactional customers tend to stay home on Mondays too.

OK, make it a BIG discount. That will insure two things:

1. bad turnout, and
2. no profit from those rare few who do show up. 

Humm. Advertising a restaurant is very much like duck hunting. You shoot when there are ducks to shoot at.

So what can you do about those Monday nights in your restaurant?

You can cut back on your staffing on Monday and hold your costs to a minimum. Then advertise your great Friday night specials, or your Saturday dinners, or even your Sunday brunch.

Wait for them to be inclined to dine away from home, then remind them to pick you. Cater to what your customers want – and do so on their timetable, and you’ll start boosting attendance as you fish for customers.

Your Guide,
Chuck McKay

Your Fishing for Customers guide, Chuck McKay, gets people to buy more of what you sell.

Got questions about allocating and scheduling your advertising dollars? Drop Chuck a note at ChuckMcKay@ChuckMcKayOnLine.com. Or call him at 304-523-0163.

* Henry Ford is rumored to have said about the available colors of his Model T automobile, “You can have any color you want, as long as that color is black.”

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Most people are convinced that advertising is easy. Most believe that they could do a better job than the ads which inundate them daily. Perhaps they could.

Some of them become advertising salespeople. Sadly, they are predictable. Their first predictable bright idea is to write ads using sex appeal. Their second predictable idea is usually to write ads using humor.

So, the typical rookie radio or television salesperson staples a typical newspaper ad to a typical Broadcast Production Order form, checks the box to indicate “Spec spot” (that is, to be produced under the speculation that the customer may buy it), and under instructions to the copywriter writes “Make it funny.”

Make it funny?

MAKE IT FUNNY?

Attach an eighth page listing of all the tire sizes on sale at Bob’s Tire Barn to the affor-mentioned Broadcast Production Order form, and tell the copywriter to MAKE IT FUNNY?

“A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar…”

What’s the last thing the joke teller does before he starts this story? He looks to the left, and then to the right to make sure he’s not about to be overheard. What’s funny to some people is likely to be offensive to a significant number of others.

And yet, advertisers and account executives keep telling ad writers to be funny, and ad writers keep trying to be.

In radio or television the producer can direct the talent to inject “tones of voice” in order to cue people that something other than serious will follow. Those amusement signals are nearly impossible to do in newspapers or magazines.

Fortunately, funny in print isn’t attempted as often as in other media. Unfortunately, about one ad in ten attempts it anyway. You’ll usually see the humor in the headline. That prevents the first line of copy from expanding and elaborating on the attention-getting headline.

Oops.

People can see funny faster than they can hear it, which is why we’re likely to see sight gags used in television. The major problem is the generic nature of gags. They seldom have any relevance to the product being advertised. Sight gags are bad advertising. They lead to the reason advertisers are perpetually tearing their hair out: people remembering the gag but unable to remember the product or the advertiser.

Oops.

Where television tends to be gag oriented, radio tends to be joke oriented, and like gags, jokes are seldom relevant. There’s no association between the set up or the punch line of the joke and the message the seller wants desperately to plant in the mind of the listener.

The joke draws attention to itself. It draws attention away from the advertiser’s product.

The funnier it is, the sooner it will irritate on repetition, (which assumes that it was ever funny in the first place). That’s why people say “Stop me if you’ve heard this one…”

No joke is universally funny.

A sizable percentage of the population won’t be amused. Trust me, the words “childish” and “stupid” come up frequently when real people critique “humorous” ads.

Real people get confused by messages that aren’t expressed simply. Real people get offended by things that may not strike them as particularly funny. Even professional comedians tell jokes that they consider hilarious while the audience sits silently on their hands. Real people become annoyed at someone who tries to be funny, and fails.

Oops.

There’s a difference between humor which appeals to men, and that which appeals to women. International advertising agency J. Walter Thompson interviewed pairs of female friends in eight countries and concluded that male humor is based on competition and impressing people around them. Women use jokes to achieve intimacy and to make people feel at ease. Men prefer gags with a punch line. Women laugh at stories that relate to their everyday lives.

Diana Coulson, director of strategic planning at J. Walter Thompson, Paris, said:

“The key thing that emerged was that women’s main source of humor is from the everyday, the little issues, stuff they observe and that happens to them. They can find humor in a household chore, or something silly that somebody says to them at work. Men use humor in a much more competitive way. Men want to be funny to show off and to get people to admire them. It’s all about scoring points, whereas with women humor is much more a way of creating an attachment, bonding and getting intimacy with people. They are instinctively enhancing their relationships.”

Humm. So men and women find different things funny? Who’d have thought?

Humor can backfire. According to marketing consultant Martin Wales:

“One laser eye surgery company was using humor in its ads. The competition capitalized on it by suggesting that there’s nothing funny about eye surgery.”

In most major cities sizable portions of the people who live there come from other countries. Humor frequently doesn’t translate from one sub-culture to another. Instead of being funny these ads are confusing. They’re frequently offensive. Worse yet, no matter how much attention they draw, these ads seldom sell enough product. Following the “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” campaign, William J. McEwen, Author of Married to the Brand wrote in the Gallup Management Journal:

“In a recent move that surprised relatively few industry analysts, Taco Bell announced that it was firing the advertising agency responsible for its award-winning TV commercials of the past few years. According to the company, the advertising that had built strong recognition as well as profitable merchandising opportunities for the Taco Bell Chihuahua was apparently unable to move product sales. Taco Bell sales have been reportedly flat — a situation clearly unacceptable to its management and to its stockholders..”

Then there’s humor’s short shelf-life. You’re going to have to replace funny ads much more frequently because of the burn out factor.

But you know the biggest reason jokes and gags fail? Their primary job is to persuade someone to purchase something from the company paying for the ad. And as we already mentioned, any attempt at communication that draws attention away from the core message is beyond stupid. When it’s your money being wasted, it’s criminal.

The father of modern copywriting, Claude Hopkins, understood the purpose of advertising very well. In 1923 Hopkins explained:

“Don’t lessen respect for your self or your article by any attempt at frivolity. People do not patronize a clown. There are two things about which men should not joke. One is business, one is home.”

John Caples, author of Tested Advertising Methods, observed:

“The two most influential books in the world have no humor in them: the Bible and the Sears Catalog!”

Jay Conrad Levinson, author of the Guerilla Marketing series of business books said:

“Marketing is not a stage for humor. If you use humor in your marketing, people will recall your funny joke, but not your compelling offer. If you use humor, your campaign will be funny the first and maybe the second time. After that, the humor will be grating and will hinder the very concept that makes marketing successful – repetition.”

But, with a contrary opinion comes David Ogilvy.

“I think this was true in Hopkins day, and I have reason to believe that it remained true until recently, but the latest wave of factor-analysis reveals that humor can now sell. This came as a great relief to me; I had always hated myself for rejecting the funny commercials submitted for my approval.

“But I must warn you that very, very few writers can write funny commercials which ARE funny. Unless you are one of the few, don’t try.”

Four famous advertising men with interesting, and slightly contradictory opinions. Are there facts? Surprisingly, considering how many multiple tens of millions of dollars are spent on humorous advertising, there’s precious little research done on it. At the least, every ad using humor should be tested against a serious ad to see which pulls better response.

One such study was published in Journalism Quarterly in 1989. Bob T.W. Wu, Kenneth E. Crocker, and Martha Rogers did in a test of print ads for facial tissue and for athletic shoes. They found no difference in appeal or persuasiveness, but found “the attitude toward the ad” was higher for the humorous version than for the serious one.

Did you catch that? People found the product no more appealing. They were not persuaded to switch brands. The only reported that they found the AD more entertaining.

Our objective is not to entertain, it’s to sell.

Can humor sell your product?

Sometimes.

Maybe.

Most businesses should not use humor in their advertising. On the other hand, I willingly admit humor can be used quite effectively to sell product. Not jokes, but humor. A joke is only funny the first time. Humor is appreciated every time a listener hears it.

A humorous touch can engage, and involve, the prospective customer. An ad that shows the advertiser’s sense of humor (or charm, or personality, or playfulness, or likability) frequently resonates in the hearts and minds of the public. When that happens, advertising gains credibility, and sales usually trend significantly up.

The major problem is that at any given time there are only, what? Maybe a dozen people who can make humor work? Humorous ads are difficult to write well. It’s even harder for that well-written script to survive the treatment of producers, directors, and actors.

What about your product, and the way it connects with the self-image of the consumer. High involvement products tend to have a longer purchase cycle. Prospective customers are more likely to search for hard facts. They won’t find those facts in a humorous ad. Unknown, expensive, or potentially embarrassing products won’t sell well with humor, either.

Fun advertising has a much easier job selling snack foods, beers, sodas, cigarettes, movies, and music than it does in selling high ticket items. Fun advertising tends to work best with inexpensive disposable products that are themselves “fun.”

Should you use humor in your advertising?

Probably not. You’ll likely do far better when you stop trying to entertain and focus on offering benefits and spelling out value. (Note: I’m trying hard to talk you out of it).

However, if you insist, here are some things that might mitigate the damage.

No sight gags. No jokes. Use humor to be friendly, rather than funny. When humor is subtle it’s usually more effective and suffers from less burnout than something more overt.

Use humor to attract customers, and make sure it doesn’t distract from the product. Use humor to reinforce and support your basic premise. Make it relevant to the product you’re selling.

Before you attempt humor, be sure you know your customers. Research if it’s available, personal observation always.

Do not use humor to attempt to deceive your customer. Humor intensifies people’s reactions. When they find you’ve not been truthful, you can expect outright hostility.

Don’t over-analyze humor. It’s either funny or it’s not. The best humor comes from the edge, where it can easily be offensive.

At the same time, don’t rush your first idea into the marketplace. Sleep on it.

Be thought provoking. Engage your customers’ imaginations. Let your customer experience “getting it.”

Be careful not to let prospective customers see themselves as the butt of your joke. Vonage’s “People do stupid things” campaign wouldn’t work as “You do stupid things.”

Use humor about situations, not people. Whoever they are and wherever they come from, people will usually identify with a situation.

And above all, never lose sight of your purpose in advertising. Your purpose isn’t entertainment. Your purpose is to sell the product. Will humor motivate people to buy? Then do it. If it won’t, then don’t use it when you’re fishing for customers.

Your Guide,
Chuck McKay

Your Fishing for Customers guide, Chuck McKay, gets people to buy more of what you sell.

Got questions about writing ad copy, with or without humor? Call Chuck at 304-523-0163. Or “E” him at ChuckMcKay@ChuckMcKayOnLine.com.

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