Dear Advertising Fairy:

Thank you for the wishes you granted last year. I’m happy that the “Lost another loan to DiTech” banker appears to be gone. And, although I’m still waiting for you to eliminate those stupid TAG Body Spray storylines that so blatently rip off the old Hai Karate ads from 1967, I’m confidant you’ll get to them soon.

Ad Fairy, I hope you’ve dusted off your magic wand, ‘cause we’ve flipped the calendar over again and I have my usual five more advertising wishes for for the new year.

5. The phrase “Now THAT’s what I’m talking about” will never be used again in any ad any time anywhere. In fact, let’s strike it from the vocabulary. OK, Ad Fairy?

4. Instead of saying “This product has not been evaluated by the FDA,” natural male enhancement products will not be allowed on TV until evaluated by the FDA.

3. X-Treme anything will no longer be allowed. Let’s find a new word. How about… um… Poofy? That could work. “Tonight on Poofy Sports….

2. Ads for ED medications will get past that pesky four hour issue.

And my top wish for advertising in 2007?

1. That Apple give us more “I’m a PC / I’m a Mac” ads.

If they did that, then maybe other advertisers would catch on to the power of a simple explanation of benefits to the purchaser. If Apple lead by their current fine example, other companies might drop the “entertainment” thats being passed off as solid marketing.

Perhaps that guy building the stand up comedy club in his back yard would simply consider the STARZ comedy pack for $12.95. Maybe then the Quaker Oatmeal To Go guy would stop cooking on the bus. With those examples could Carmen Electra quit throwing herself at the ordinary guy who dumped her in the Taco Bell commercials? And then would it be possible for Halls Sugar-Free Bursts not to be used to take the scratches out of an LP record?

Could they all stop talking to me as if I’m mentally deficient?


While I think of it, let’s put Countrywide Finance and E-Harmony on the list of advertisers who don’t pander to, don’t talk down to, and don’t treat me as if I’m stupid. Ad Fairy. I wish them all greater success in 2007.

But see what you can do with those TAG Body Spray ads, ok?